Beauty FOR ashes (ISAIAH 61:3)

Harrison Brown // UGA Sophomore

As someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, it probably seems like I wouldn’t be the best follower of Christ. Well I’m not. As Justin Timberlake would say on living with the two, “It’s complicated.” and I would add, “especially if you are trying to get to know God.”

I cannot concentrate on a TV show let alone try to read through a book that was first written over a thousand years ago, and I definitely don’t desire to give up the control I obsess about to an invisible God. Early on in my life, once I learned more about my conditions and how they affected my thoughts, I began to let them characterize me. Falling in line with the negative stigma that surrounds psychiatric disorders, I feared that if anyone figured out I would be viewed as “crazy”. Later on in high school this changed as I started to use them as an excuse or a scapegoat for anything I did that went wrong. Why not get some pity from it right? After all it does suck. The problem is, in either case of how I saw my disorders, I began to let them define me and give me an identity in my lack of confidence. And of course, this resulted in a me growing further away from discovering my true identity as a child of God who is found blameless and victorious thanks to Jesus Christ.

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I was someone who couldn’t be used by God because I didn’t want to be, not because I was too messed up. I didn’t know about all of the pathetic or evil people God used and transformed for His glory: from Abraham (a geezer) to Moses (couldn’t speak well) to Rahab (a prostitute) to Saul (essentially a terrorist) to thousands of years later even me (a distracted, doubting, anxious fool). What we all have in common is that we are called according to His purpose and every single situation in our lives is being used for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). His promises and divine track record prove that not only is our God close to us in times of trouble and willing to comfort us, but he has hand selected each trial, not omitting mental illnesses, to give us a divine strength in our times of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I’m definitely not here to tell you that mental illnesses are made up or all in your head, but I’m also not here to tell you that they are simply a neurologically defined abnormality that can only be addressed with medicine. For example, in recent discoveries researchers have observed a correlation between depression and the improper balance between serotonin and other neurotransmitters in the brain. I would argue, however, that correlation does not imply causation. While there might be a pattern that characterizes depression, it is clear to see how something much more evil is at the root of it- Satan. Let me tell you what I mean- there is a specific type of depression called Postpartum Depression, mostly seen in new mothers, and it is marked by intrusive thoughts that can include infanticide. For example, while holding her beloved child, a mother with PPD could have an invasive, uncontrolled thought of slamming her baby against a wall. These thoughts are ego-dystonic, meaning they are totally contrary to what the patient actually desires to think.

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More commonly there is OCD, where everyday ego-dystonic obsessions can include thoughts of abhorrent sexual acts such as pedophilia, thoughts about killing others and aggressive imagery, persistent doubt about sexual orientation, fear of contamination, and anti-religious thoughts. Even from a scientific standpoint, the whole idea of killing offspring or anti-religiousness is completely contrary or irrelevant to evolutionary cognition. Those of us who have suffered from these fearful, seemingly demonic, and anxiety-causing thoughts did not choose them yet they are deep within us. In Matthew 15:19, Jesus says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts …these are what make a man unclean”. Because of the fall of man in Genesis we were born into an evil world. So whether a disorder is genetic, from an early traumatizing event, or had an acute onset halfway through your life, it is in your life not because you are particularly depraved as an individual, but because the whole world you live in is depraved. Our mind’s development is flawed and broken, thus making us broken people. Because of the uniqueness of these constant terrible thoughts and the debilitating nature of anxiety, it is easy to let it become an internal identity and your own personal inferiority complex. But, it doesn’t mean that you are uniquely crazy or alone in your state of mind. These thoughts are part of an attack from the fight with Satan, not with yourself. For me, being diagnosed by a professional allowed me to realize this and separate the evil thoughts out. Next, I tried keeping my mind on things above and choosing something else during each day’s spiritual battle- God.

Choosing God and resisting the personal identity of a disorder is a daily practice of being honest in prayer about the pain and fear you have to a God who already knows and is patiently waiting for you to “Cast all your anxiety on him” (1 Peter 5:6). It is saying no to the lie from Satan that you are worthless, dirty or any other deceitful identity that causes self hatred. God longs to take even the worst of situations and rob Satan of His victory. 

Last summer, I had one of my worst seasons of anxiety from my OCD and my doctor recommended that I get on antidepressants. One day while I was home alone, the anti-depressant reacted abnormally with my new ADD medicine and actually provoked the worst anxiety attack I have ever experienced. I laid on the floor of my room for 5 hours and the only time I had the energy to move was when I reached for a knife to cut myself. I am not telling this story to guilt anyone who is taking psychiatric medications because I believe that God allowed us to discover these medicines for a reason; however, they are not meant to be depended on as a savior. I was experiencing that reliance first hand and the anxiety attack was a wake up call to turn to the one true Healer. After I got off antidepressants, I was back to square one, yet, with each attack I realized the power of prayer and I finally started comprehending how good my Father is and has always been. The devil would try to trap me in my fear but God would seek me out as a lost sheep, and then we would rejoice together in each little daily victory.

Choosing God isn’t easy and He isn’t our personal genie in a bottle who gives us instant healing, however, God does heal. I learned that it is on His perfect timing, not ours, and all the while He is growing, maturing, and sharpening us through the fire (James 1:1-5), promising that no pain is wasted in the meantime. So even on the worst days, I want to encourage you to be thankful. I am thankful that God used my disorders to prevent me from being overtaken by the pride and selfishness in my life. I’m thankful that I can look forward to each day’s spiritual battle, knowing that God is keeping me in a state of weakness where I have no choice but to seek Him wholly or become lost in my thoughts. And recently, I am thankful for the fact that I am almost completely healed from the same anxiety and fear that almost cost me everything. When we hear that we were fearfully and wonderfully made, the fearfully part is meant to inspire awe and devotion, not dread and debilitation.

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So I urge you, brother or sister, recognize that the sadness, hopelessness, or perversion from whatever affliction you face is from the devil and instead of letting him convince you that you are alone and no one cares, take on a new identity as a chosen child of God. When daily suffering is perceived as personal growth closer to a loving God, it allows you live with an unconditional joy despite it. I am proud to call myself a Christian because it is a religion of persecution, temptation, and trial, not of immediate personal reward, prosperity or complacency and ease of life. We aren’t on this earth to become as mentally flawless and independent as we can be. We are on this earth to be jars of clay who show not that we are powerful but that our God is. Since Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, God doesn’t want a burnt offering but instead, “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17). Sacrifice all that you have left, even if it is just a desperate submission in the midst of tears and anxious thoughts. God is with you, and He always will be.

Saved from Earning, not from Effort.

Saved from Earning, not from Effort

Over the past 10 years of being married to a college pastor and seeing a lot of college students come and go, I have noticed something troubling. Now, I am not saying that I haven't also seen a similar trend among Christian adults who are older than college age, but I think that it is less hidden among the college group. What is this troubling trend? I think it is the living out of the idea that holiness is not essential in the Christian life. It seems that many Christians these days are indistinguishable from the unbelieving culture in America. I completely believe that some of these "Christians" are not true believers at all, but some are the most committed and involved among the church group. I have struggled with how to address this topic without sounding legalistic but yesterday, I was reading 2 Peter and I found the Bible does a great job of addressing this trend.

3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,
4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,
6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,
7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.
10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.
11 For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. - 2 Peter 1:3-11

As a true Christian, we must make an EFFORT, not to be saved, which is completely by faith in Jesus and NOT by works, but an effort to increase in the qualities listed above: virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, and godliness...so we will not be unfruitful and ineffective for Christ. I've heard Vic say over and over that "the gospel saves us from earning, not from effort".  That simply means that we don't have to earn our salvation because it's a gift we don't earn.  However we are saved to become more like Christ, which takes continual effort on our part. 

Verse 9 says that whoever is lacking the qualities is so nearsighted they are blind. This verse really resonated with me. If you have perfect eyes, you may not understand, but I AM so nearsighted that I am basically blind without glasses or contacts. I certainly am not effective at life without them. I really can't even do anything. So, the verses above say that if we lack these qualities it may be because we are spiritually blind and are not remembering what Jesus has done for us. We can't really do anything to further His kingdom.

So, here is where I have to be careful about sounding legalistic....but the Bible doesn't say that we should of our own power try to be virtuous, steadfast, etc. We cannot do that in our own power. BUT, if Jesus has truly transformed our hearts, verse 3 says we have been given EVERYTHING we need for life AND godliness. We have been given the power through the Holy Spirit in us, but we do have to put forth an effort. We have to daily preach the beautiful, life- giving gospel to ourselves, so that we REMEMBER what Jesus has done for us and out of love we will WANT to please Him.

What does this mean practically? How can we strive to develop these qualities and so continue to be effective and fruitful for Jesus? Well, it means we MUST be distinguishable from the world. We cannot believe as the world does that going out and partying and getting drunk is ok. How does that point them to Jesus? I agree that the Bible doesn't say not to drink at all, but not to be drunk. So, can you honestly say you never get drunk? What are your motivations for doing the bar crawl? Legalism to earn salvation is NOT ok, but personal boundaries ARE. If you know a certain situation tempts you to become drunk, avoid it. Have a trustworthy friend who will hold you accountable. I know I am stepping on toes by being this straightforward, but I think I would be unloving not to say it in an understandable way. If your Christian group of friends condones this type of behavior, maybe it's time to find someone else to do things with. Or maybe it's time to have an honest conversation with them. If you know this is a chronic temptation for you and a chronic struggle, make every effort to develop virtue and self-control.

1 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? - Romans 6:1-2

And what about relationships? Is it ok to spend the night with your girlfriend/boyfriend? The world says it is. So, are you distinguishable from the world? No matter how serious the relationship....no matter if you are engaged....doing things like the world will have consequences both now and in the future. If you cannot practice self-control now, what makes you think you will in marriage? God has a plan for marriage to be a picture of the gospel. If you are sleeping together before marriage, you will experience consequences after marriage in the area of trust and intimacy that will make it more difficult to be an effective and fruitful picture of the gospel to the world around us. But what if you have already messed up? Repent, ask forgiveness, and ask God to heal you. God is a God of redemption. Again, not legalism, but personal boundaries in relationships are necessary to do things the way God tells us is best, both for us and for our testimony.

The truth is, the world around us is desperate for hope. We can point them to the only hope that will never disappoint - JESUS. He is our rescue and salvation. Only He can satisfy. So, let me encourage each of us to make every effort to supplement our faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with brotherly affection. That will intrigue the world and give us opportunity to be a fruitful and effective part of God's kingdom.

-Cynthia Doss